She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
