Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
