yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize