I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
