remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
