i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
