I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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