He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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