she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
