Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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