I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize