How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
