I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
