So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
