On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
only if we run a train.
done.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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