Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My cat gives me a boner
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
