Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
