She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We had sex on a dog bed..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
