what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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