Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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