I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize