I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
