tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
