i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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