there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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