I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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