You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
is that a dick in a sweater?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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