New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You made out with two different species that night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
