Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I just sharted jello shots
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
