a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
