You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
