we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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