idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
