The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
