I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
