OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
