just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
