So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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