I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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