so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
