things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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