I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
