I'd wear matching sweaters with you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
