Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
