we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
