I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
