Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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