he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
