So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
