cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
