Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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