I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
