Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
