Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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