When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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