Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize