Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am available for nakedness
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
