eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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