btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
