Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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