Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
