There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
