Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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