hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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